PRESENT TENSE

The lesson to my heart lately has been on living in the present, neither preferring the past nor fearing the future.  

 The past is gone - the future is not yet come - and the present?

 Well ... that's the problem.  

The Past.. Because of recent moves, I have found myself wishing I could go back to the way things were.

The Future.. Because of being a certain age, I have found myself looking at the elderly and worrying about how things will be.

The Present.. Because of the routine nature of daily life, I have found myself examining and questioning the way things are.

Part of my experience is that friendships define this linear look at time. In fact, that's how these thoughts started to coalesce. 

I recently reconnected with a friend from high school days, many years ago and many miles away.  I took out old year books and started thinking of all the good times during those teenage years (of course I am romanticizing them by now, choosing to forget all the teenage angst!).  I also think about the child raising years, remembering friends in the community and at church, as well as co-workers during my career.  I love looking at old photos and reminiscing. Then there are the friends from the most recent disconnection. I can’t help thinking about all the things we did together and how we bonded (Tuesday morning Bible study certainly comes to mind). Now and then my heart aches and feelings of nostalgia overwhelm me. I'd like to step back in time and reclaim any and all of the above.

   The past was full of action, fun, change, excitement, drama

   The future has mystery and holds plans, hopes, challenges

   Right now seems … well… ordinary, mundane, like treading water

The past, of course, held plenty of sorrow, struggle, and loss. The future holds well-grounded fears associated with aging, loss of self-sufficiency, and uncertainties of all sorts. The present is like the fulcrum of a teeter-totter with the past on one end and the future on the other. I personally haven’t actually done it lately, but watching kids on the playground recently reminded me of standing in the middle - you can't help but lean towards one end or the other.

Then there's this question -- What is the present?  How long is the present? A moment? An hour?? A day???  “Forever is composed of nows”, said poet Emily Dickinson.

There is always one thing which draws me into the present - in fact into “the moment”, as they say - and that is when my gaze is held by my granddaughter's blue eyes as we chat, as she explains something important.  At that moment, no thought of the past intrudes, and no plan for the future either.  It’s a beautiful thing.  (Forgive me, but there isn’t anything that doesn’t have granddaughter relevance  J)

Of course I'm living in the present... like any of us have any choice?!  My heart is beating - can't be any more in the moment than that - but constantly my mind is drawing from the past both consciously and unconsciously, and similarly, I'm thinking of the future if only to add to my mental to-do list for tomorrow.

Sometimes, in the present, it feels like my hands are empty – gone is the past and the future is just off the tips of my fingers, so it's like grasping thin air. Yet I know that the present is the only reality, our only opportunity for hands to be busy, to contribute to living. Nothing is more vital than living each day with purpose. 'Be purposeful' is my personal mantra! My very first blog was about this.

"We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives.” (Maya Angelou)

Hubby and I lead church services on Sunday afternoons in some care homes and seniors' residences and although I am happy to serve in this way, I can't help projecting myself into their wheelchairs, seeing myself with a fragile body or a fragile mind in a few years. At the same time, friends a little older than I am, are entering into that future and I am challenged as I observe and learn from them. Some are blazing the trail in vitality and health, others in poorer condition, but either way I see great examples of aging, acceptance, and perseverance.

I am chagrined to realize that I’ve been dealing with discontentment – the very thing that opposes all I espouse about joy, satisfaction and especially trust!!    “The bottom line is do I - do you - trust God all the time?  When life seems ordinary and familiar? When circumstances have spun out of control?  Not trust Him with this or that or because of this or that, but just trust Him. Period.”  I wrote that statement not so long ago – need to listen to myself!!

The following Scripture within context refers to the love of money, but as I read it recently another layer emerged and I understood in my heart that it also applies – at least to me – to time.

“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.” (1 Timothy 6:6-7)

Brought nothing in = Past

Take nothing out = Future 

Contentment = Today

So what about today?  I know it is a gift. I know it has purpose even though it is only a breath in the light of eternity.  I am thankful for current friends, for current opportunities, for time to spend with family, to learn something new, to play, to laugh, to sing, to do whatever I can to benefit the Kingdom of God…  How can I possibly make a list?!!  I tell my heart to choose joy, contentment and trust today. So much to be thankful for from the past. So much to be content with today. So much to take with me into the future! Friendships intertwine throughout. Winnie the Pooh sums it up nicely…

“What day is it?" Pooh asked.

"It's today," squeaked Piglet.

"My favorite day," said Pooh. (A.A. Milne)

With regards to all my friends - past, present & future